Saturday, March 25, 2006
When I was still a child, I used to run after class to the playground in our school because I love the swing there, all of us, probably. It was the time when my bossy-classmate stepped in front and even made a rule in order not to get a fight as all of us would want to go first - you know, a childish argument. The first person that would go there first would absolutely have a swing first and then decides whether the late people could take a ride. That person would write using his/her fingers on your chest and decides if you'll be marked loser (x) or a winner (/), which is luckily some of my bigger classmates asserted even though they know that bossy-classmate would always get first.
At that time, my very-bossy classmate always run so fast, including sudden tripping, in order to be the first and to mark us, fellow classmates, whether accepted or not. Before, I was so shy that's why I always rely on my father who's always there during dismissal to catch me to go home and waits because I still wanted to go and have a swing. He even told me that he'll make a swing at our house for me not to get dirty, because the playground had a lot of grasses and I might trip - along with my bossy-classmate - and get injured. I often tell my dad that I want to play with them but I wanted him to command my classmates in order for me to ride on the swing first, which was always unsuccessful as my father don't want me to be selfish and always dependent even though I'm still a kiddo. One time, that bossy-classmate and I had a fight and during dismissal to the swing sessions that she obviously marked me loser (x) and I was so-not-accepting it and I was beginning to think that it was a so-not-rightful law to make because she'll be the only one who'll benefit. I ran to my father and told him I was not accepted and he said that it's final that he'd make a swing for me at our house.
My father was unsuccessful, with a lot of tries, his works were often weak and the only result is that I always fall from it - good thing there were no serious injuries. So he apologized and I accepted the fact because he's always there for me, anyway, and I've told him that I would go to play with my classmates again and go with the rules too, one last try to make it to the first.
This time, with my uncanny tactics and very un-shy-ish run and with a lot of stumbling, I achieved the first place and that bossy-classmate as the second placer. I was eager to mark her a loser and I won. I had my revenge and was happy about it. Until that time, I broke that stupid rule and regulated another - as the leader of the day - that first people to go there would definitely have a ride, but has some limits so as to forgive those who don't have the strength to run so fast and make a line. And until that time I stopped going to the swing with my classmates. It was really weird.
At that time, my very-bossy classmate always run so fast, including sudden tripping, in order to be the first and to mark us, fellow classmates, whether accepted or not. Before, I was so shy that's why I always rely on my father who's always there during dismissal to catch me to go home and waits because I still wanted to go and have a swing. He even told me that he'll make a swing at our house for me not to get dirty, because the playground had a lot of grasses and I might trip - along with my bossy-classmate - and get injured. I often tell my dad that I want to play with them but I wanted him to command my classmates in order for me to ride on the swing first, which was always unsuccessful as my father don't want me to be selfish and always dependent even though I'm still a kiddo. One time, that bossy-classmate and I had a fight and during dismissal to the swing sessions that she obviously marked me loser (x) and I was so-not-accepting it and I was beginning to think that it was a so-not-rightful law to make because she'll be the only one who'll benefit. I ran to my father and told him I was not accepted and he said that it's final that he'd make a swing for me at our house.
My father was unsuccessful, with a lot of tries, his works were often weak and the only result is that I always fall from it - good thing there were no serious injuries. So he apologized and I accepted the fact because he's always there for me, anyway, and I've told him that I would go to play with my classmates again and go with the rules too, one last try to make it to the first.
This time, with my uncanny tactics and very un-shy-ish run and with a lot of stumbling, I achieved the first place and that bossy-classmate as the second placer. I was eager to mark her a loser and I won. I had my revenge and was happy about it. Until that time, I broke that stupid rule and regulated another - as the leader of the day - that first people to go there would definitely have a ride, but has some limits so as to forgive those who don't have the strength to run so fast and make a line. And until that time I stopped going to the swing with my classmates. It was really weird.
Looking back at that memory was a bit great. I could sense my childish acts just to get the gold once and make it right. Right now I never had swing sessions, obviously, but I would still want to have one more swing session with my new-friends so that I could cherish my childhood memories, which was sweet that I could still remember. I might continue to break and make some things for the better. I'll just continue to walk with my life.
Labels: Facing Inner Views
Erika Ruiz
Friday, March 17, 2006
Indeed, you saw it right, the 'Power of the Dream' by Celine Dion - our graduation theme song. It really does reflect my determination for the past four years of being a highschool student. I just wish I won't cry although I feel nothing much anymore, it's like I just want to because you can't easily forget the good fun memories with them and the power of getting this task accomplished as you reach for your ambitions.
For this past days, all we've done when going to school now is practice baccalaureate songs and the march. All we do is sing and my throat is beginning to sore. Next week, they said they would definitely change the sessions and change it to the marching as I face the consequence of getting fried up by the sun. I should cherish it because it is the last time that I'll see my classmates together. It was hard for me so I am forced to do it always half-heartedly. What do you think?
The same time as our teachers begin to give our freshly-checked test papers with our scores. So far I got good grades compared to my laziness last quarter. I even wondered why I got good grades even though I'm a bit laidback and just review later than usual (I'm pertaining the way I review when I was still at my Elementary life). I was, obviously, proud that I got good grades than those who spent their whole day revisioning stuffs related to the exam. Well, I think it's ordinary to say that I'm a bit confident to myself. It was a good turn for me as I'm a bit looking forward of a good general average. How stupid of me.
And our journalism professor finally gave us our research papers and believe it or not, my group got the highest score. I grin. I procrastinated this project, I admit. I've done loads more than my members - maybe that's the personal pressure of the head researcher and I despise plagiarism so I need to edit some of my member's assignments (Note: I check and hunt them everywhere). Now I'm beginning to highlight my confidence again, although I think that's natural to be proud. It was more than twenty pages, which our teacher demands, and I'm quite lucky to choose a good topic, although it disrespects some aspects in life. But it was a great experience to tackle one of the mysteries that you know has certain loopholes - well, it's not unknown already.
It's a wild life, you get cooked into dangerous situations before you get the flag and tag the winning plane. I guess I'm just learning or developing to reach the power of my dreams; I just need to be more studious because I'm totally not.
For this past days, all we've done when going to school now is practice baccalaureate songs and the march. All we do is sing and my throat is beginning to sore. Next week, they said they would definitely change the sessions and change it to the marching as I face the consequence of getting fried up by the sun. I should cherish it because it is the last time that I'll see my classmates together. It was hard for me so I am forced to do it always half-heartedly. What do you think?
The same time as our teachers begin to give our freshly-checked test papers with our scores. So far I got good grades compared to my laziness last quarter. I even wondered why I got good grades even though I'm a bit laidback and just review later than usual (I'm pertaining the way I review when I was still at my Elementary life). I was, obviously, proud that I got good grades than those who spent their whole day revisioning stuffs related to the exam. Well, I think it's ordinary to say that I'm a bit confident to myself. It was a good turn for me as I'm a bit looking forward of a good general average. How stupid of me.
And our journalism professor finally gave us our research papers and believe it or not, my group got the highest score. I grin. I procrastinated this project, I admit. I've done loads more than my members - maybe that's the personal pressure of the head researcher and I despise plagiarism so I need to edit some of my member's assignments (Note: I check and hunt them everywhere). Now I'm beginning to highlight my confidence again, although I think that's natural to be proud. It was more than twenty pages, which our teacher demands, and I'm quite lucky to choose a good topic, although it disrespects some aspects in life. But it was a great experience to tackle one of the mysteries that you know has certain loopholes - well, it's not unknown already.
It's a wild life, you get cooked into dangerous situations before you get the flag and tag the winning plane. I guess I'm just learning or developing to reach the power of my dreams; I just need to be more studious because I'm totally not.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
The morbid picture of a girl was changed. The movements once showed fear and now it exposes classicality yet the emotion is still unknown.
Our tale is magically weaved by our own thoughts. Whether it may be good or not, challenges will come and test you to your failure or victory. Somehow, we are the ones who mold our beginning and tries hard to make it perfect - but the next time we know it, it's ruined. We regret things and want to spit the past all out imagining of a happy memory, we try to change the time by going to the past - using our minds - but our sanity is at stake that it might forever linger within the past, rely on it and never go back.
You never go up, you try to stay down thinking how you could have done and if only things went right. One time you will rot inside your haven thinking of changing your life from the past so that you won't lead to a bitter ending - but you are destroying your own life. You must weave a new story and prepare for it; the change by using your determination to a new life won't immobilize your fear, not by the change of time that won't let you go till you never stand.
Don't try to look at what could have been and reflect on what can be. Try to respect you passions and just face sudden prejudices than face them forever. It wasn't hidden, it's right in front of your feet, trying to poke you - poke you to a wonderful present.
Our tale is magically weaved by our own thoughts. Whether it may be good or not, challenges will come and test you to your failure or victory. Somehow, we are the ones who mold our beginning and tries hard to make it perfect - but the next time we know it, it's ruined. We regret things and want to spit the past all out imagining of a happy memory, we try to change the time by going to the past - using our minds - but our sanity is at stake that it might forever linger within the past, rely on it and never go back.
You never go up, you try to stay down thinking how you could have done and if only things went right. One time you will rot inside your haven thinking of changing your life from the past so that you won't lead to a bitter ending - but you are destroying your own life. You must weave a new story and prepare for it; the change by using your determination to a new life won't immobilize your fear, not by the change of time that won't let you go till you never stand.
Don't try to look at what could have been and reflect on what can be. Try to respect you passions and just face sudden prejudices than face them forever. It wasn't hidden, it's right in front of your feet, trying to poke you - poke you to a wonderful present.
When I turned back as I reflect on those things, I saw it - it was someone I always wanted to renew, but can't break free. Now I realized, the picture was painted for me - for my life that is still undone and waiting for me to have a smile.
Labels: Facing Inner Views
Erika Ruiz
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I was freed from the disaster of school! Graduation is approaching. I am neither happy nor sad. I don't even know how to distinguish that.
It was exactly the time when I was finding for a good movie that I tripped with 'Butterfly Effect.' The movie is about a man, Evan Trevor, who has some blackouts when he was a kid, not knowing that those blackouts were the times when he tried to change his past life, changing his life trying to fix it for the good.
The story has a center; Evan just wanted to change his life because it's not good for him. He also wanted to save his friends. Whenever he tries to change it, it results for the worst. The story is very intriguing as he chose to end his journey through time by deciding not to meet and even be close to them at all by using the memory when all of them first met. Simple yet has so many twists.
It is somehow promoting nihilism; you can do everything around you just to make yourself good, as everything around you is just a product of your mind and thought. Creating your own memories, making your own dreams as people around you changes as you change your mind. But imagine if life is like that? Everything won't be illuminated and things are all stupid without real interactions.
It catches some values, although you should be sure to avoid the restricted words to digest that, that things shouldn't be changed by lingering from your past that everything shouldn't be used just to feel perfect, perfect means stupid, anyway.
You can always try to change by standing up and raise yourself up, and not by ruining the mysterious. Everyone has limitations, anyway.
I finally found another good movie. It's bizarre. I must have a copy.
It was exactly the time when I was finding for a good movie that I tripped with 'Butterfly Effect.' The movie is about a man, Evan Trevor, who has some blackouts when he was a kid, not knowing that those blackouts were the times when he tried to change his past life, changing his life trying to fix it for the good.
The story has a center; Evan just wanted to change his life because it's not good for him. He also wanted to save his friends. Whenever he tries to change it, it results for the worst. The story is very intriguing as he chose to end his journey through time by deciding not to meet and even be close to them at all by using the memory when all of them first met. Simple yet has so many twists.
It is somehow promoting nihilism; you can do everything around you just to make yourself good, as everything around you is just a product of your mind and thought. Creating your own memories, making your own dreams as people around you changes as you change your mind. But imagine if life is like that? Everything won't be illuminated and things are all stupid without real interactions.
It catches some values, although you should be sure to avoid the restricted words to digest that, that things shouldn't be changed by lingering from your past that everything shouldn't be used just to feel perfect, perfect means stupid, anyway.
You can always try to change by standing up and raise yourself up, and not by ruining the mysterious. Everyone has limitations, anyway.
I finally found another good movie. It's bizarre. I must have a copy.
Labels: To the Works of Others
Erika Ruiz
Monday, March 06, 2006
The wind swing ruggedly, its exhibitions can tell you that a raindrop will fall at any moment. Sitting on an endless tomorrow, waiting, seeking for the right words. The raindrops became true, all you can hear is the deep dropping of the event. Your mind keeps on waning, cannot think of a great passion to make it clearer. The rain gets harder and harder and is talking, screaming, mocking all about the darkness; thunders rolled that flatters no one. The mind must assail, but is still losing hope, cannot intertwine the weary heart. Then the heavy burden of the dark clouds ended, realized the things that must be proclaimed - helped; departed. You saw the exile of the rain, wind grew soft, the darkness veiled, light smiled and comprehended the view. A rainbow sprouted, rejoice became the lofty, defeated the darkness, happiness aroused. Things are now clearer, recognized, the colors picks up the cheerful harmony, a cherisher must see. The advent of the rainbow will always appear, after a neglect, from the glow of a sweet new sky and at heart.
The story of a worried mind ends with solace.
The story of a worried mind ends with solace.
Labels: The Self to the Art
Erika Ruiz
Saturday, March 04, 2006
There is always a point where people reach their goals but misses it suddenly, they weep and try again or might give up.
One time a story has been made deep and has touched my heart but when I clicked back it was gone. Now I try to feel my heart.
Emotional inconsistencies are possible to arrive especially when you noticed that your hand already touched all of the experiences but the feeling of getting all that you've prayed for is highly dangerous for your health, if you are aware of it. You are not afraid of prejudices from enemies because you know myriad things are on your side. You try to test yourself even though you already know that you can do it - not because of your passion, but just because of your waned mind. Believing too much in you. You might try all of the chances and there will also be a time when you won't be clean from repudiations.
But it also happens to inexperienced people - they try too hard to go on but confusion and grave accusations to self of what may are making them mold these complications that makes themselves unreadable. You want to reach, you aimed and believed but don't have the strength to be powerful with your right volition. You were afraid of getting touched by a mistake. You are developing your sense of sensitivity, as you don't want to vanish from your very own center of the stage that is why you remain. You are trapped around the stage without anything trying to get you back there - they don't want you to walk away but they want you to go out and take that risk and come back with recognition in your dignity and to feed yourself contentment.
A story can only tell you what is the feeling of being alive while working hard. You can muffle now while you're not even in first level of contentment. It makes you feel good to stay and avoid bleeding but in the end a question will dare to ask you why you haven't done a thing to improve yourself and be truly worthy to breathe into your solace and achieve happiness - try to take a risk.
You might be afraid of trying too much things that you want because of its two-sided face. You might fall on either side. Your risk is that you don't want to try - you hide and be stuck without any movements and die without fulfillment to be able to feel bliss. I want someone to realize my points but I suddenly noticed that I'm pertaining to myself.
One time a story has been made deep and has touched my heart but when I clicked back it was gone. Now I try to feel my heart.
Emotional inconsistencies are possible to arrive especially when you noticed that your hand already touched all of the experiences but the feeling of getting all that you've prayed for is highly dangerous for your health, if you are aware of it. You are not afraid of prejudices from enemies because you know myriad things are on your side. You try to test yourself even though you already know that you can do it - not because of your passion, but just because of your waned mind. Believing too much in you. You might try all of the chances and there will also be a time when you won't be clean from repudiations.
But it also happens to inexperienced people - they try too hard to go on but confusion and grave accusations to self of what may are making them mold these complications that makes themselves unreadable. You want to reach, you aimed and believed but don't have the strength to be powerful with your right volition. You were afraid of getting touched by a mistake. You are developing your sense of sensitivity, as you don't want to vanish from your very own center of the stage that is why you remain. You are trapped around the stage without anything trying to get you back there - they don't want you to walk away but they want you to go out and take that risk and come back with recognition in your dignity and to feed yourself contentment.
A story can only tell you what is the feeling of being alive while working hard. You can muffle now while you're not even in first level of contentment. It makes you feel good to stay and avoid bleeding but in the end a question will dare to ask you why you haven't done a thing to improve yourself and be truly worthy to breathe into your solace and achieve happiness - try to take a risk.
You might be afraid of trying too much things that you want because of its two-sided face. You might fall on either side. Your risk is that you don't want to try - you hide and be stuck without any movements and die without fulfillment to be able to feel bliss. I want someone to realize my points but I suddenly noticed that I'm pertaining to myself.
Labels: Facing Inner Views
Erika Ruiz
Friday, March 03, 2006
Mind you, a lot of enjoyments are to be abandoned because of stress; the hell like Oscar's night running fast and the fact that I can't watch it, last week of school and my last week of being a highschool student *cries*, movie watch-outs in rotten tomatoes, forums, and lots of stuffs. Add the tests on Friday and it'll be highly lovable.
Quit.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Thursday, March 02, 2006
I guess I am just feeling so optimistic (what a miracle!) to think of having a very fine time with my rubbish life while my heavenly craps are still undone. I'm beginning to be afraid so as a head researcher of this game, I must move.
You know I hate going out on Saturdays, but this time, I am to accept it because I need to go to the National Library with my members to check out their books and try to write something. I just hope we will be getting too much information as it's called 'national'. I am the one to edit it too, add the footnotes as I die.
Oh, I am also to do my 'Makamisa' paper and pass it to the writer's guild moderator but I still haven't touched a thing related to it. I was shocked that my classmate, the news editor, started to pass papers to his news team and stated their news assignments. I must do that too, instead it'll be poetry to be passed to me and not news because I'll get sick reading them. Haha. A crap like me will pass things like that to my team? You'll never know. I might be a clown-monster.
Life's normal and I'm getting pulled to the moderate ride again, I'm sure it'll be fast this coming next week, the very last week with my classmates in our classroom.
Sweet.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Concealing from the past, the dangers of death while facing fears, rejoicing life as to be abandoned; all of this, covered by the mystery.
Arriving from the agony of distaste, reserving the life for punishment, living for the one you threw in the underground; all of this, revealed by the mystery.
Listening to the gush of hush, lingering with the endless numbness, feeling the unexpainable pain; all of this, roved by mystery.
Wandering the providence of faith, going back to the perishing path, un rhymed the forbidden song; all of this, believed by the mystery.
Shattering the doors of the light, ripping the clothes of false oaths, reserving the bliss for ecstasy; all of this, done by the mystery.
Covering. Revealing. Roving. Believing. Doing. All of this, came from the Creeds of Mystery.
Arriving from the agony of distaste, reserving the life for punishment, living for the one you threw in the underground; all of this, revealed by the mystery.
Listening to the gush of hush, lingering with the endless numbness, feeling the unexpainable pain; all of this, roved by mystery.
Wandering the providence of faith, going back to the perishing path, un rhymed the forbidden song; all of this, believed by the mystery.
Shattering the doors of the light, ripping the clothes of false oaths, reserving the bliss for ecstasy; all of this, done by the mystery.
Covering. Revealing. Roving. Believing. Doing. All of this, came from the Creeds of Mystery.
Labels: The Self to the Art
Erika Ruiz
