Saturday, May 27, 2006
I have nothing to write. So far, first week wasn't tight at all and I get to meet new friends, good professors and the ambience of the good school. I didn't even feel nervous back on my first day, maybe because I already got some ideas from my sister. This has nothing to do with my title.
I suddenly remembered the day when a bee just passed by in front of my face. I gave a satisfying shout - or it could be a scream. I just wondered why in the name of Earth do we have these so-called insects? Yuck. Gross. I can't imagine a cockroach getting near me or if that thing ever could, I'd probably faint, seriously. I can't think of any good reason why it exists or it's use on Earth, can you? They are often the reason why we still have to spend little bucks just to get rid of them. I have to admit, maybe some of them have use in the field of medicine or whatever in a way as big as a microorganism but the others, how I wish they'd get our of my world.
I can't recall anyone who amuse me when it comes to Tagalog(Filipino)-English overly-hip-hop and rap music. God, they could make me laugh horribly if I'll get a chance to hear one corny song. Basically, these stupid tag-lish rap songs are still appearing. I'm really mad about improper stuffs - I mean, of what I think to myself as improper. Just tell me if tag-lish rap songs aren't stupid and I need to know your explanation why you like it. It's just stupid. I've heard about 4 or 5 of it on different times and I swear that if I could hear 5 more I would cut my ears. God, it wouldn't make our country improve or even just be stupidly cool in all opportunities. The song's a meaningless type all over, telling stupid stuffs about self-conceit, sex, fictional moronic stuffs. I don't even feel fine hearing pure English rap songs so how far could I excel my temper when I hear tag-lish rap songs? Do you think they would make you feel good? Feel good!? I'm crawling out of my skin. God, you could tell I'm getting mad - goodness, I don't want to swear.
The real thing, the most frightening monsters of our community, the wanna-be's. God, the only excuse I could make is that they're highly entertaining. You could watch a wanna-be do stuff she wants to be but she's really not and ends with a wrong lane, you could use some laugh and enjoy the lovely view of embarrassment. I'd rather be with the geeks; I think I actually am with them. Lol, they're not geeks, they're just real. I just want to ask them why do they have to pretend? One lesson, be true so that no one would let you down, even yourself couldn't let you down. In the end, you won't feel happiness. The most satisfying thing that you could do is to remove that mask - by the way, it looks horrible, lol.
The cynicism. I could tell I still couldn't sleep even my eyes are sore. I'm mad I slightly want to throw anything in the vicinity, lol. I tell you, you shouldn't have read this (Wow, I told it to you when you're already at the end of this). You might develop anger from the stuffs above - I could feel it.
Labels: Novelty and Humor
Erika Ruiz
Friday, May 19, 2006
I'm a little afraid that I may not be able to write another poetry. It started when the moderator of our school paper in highschool requested me to do a poem about the school for our year book as their literary editor but I made an excuse that I can't because I'm busy but the truth is I really can't think of any word to start my poem - nothing passionate is coming out of my mind or maybe I had good deals with writing good poetry whenever I feel like writing and I do hate to write if I'm dictated or to write about a certain topic. God, I think I'm making my own excuse. I'll try to write poetry and post it here some other time. I still don't feel passionate, I feel philosophical.
By the way, I'm a bit interested with the common relations we feel with their deep explanations, more specific in the despairs we are associated with: despair of not aware of having a self, despair of not willing to be oneself, and despair of willing to be oneself. These could also be associated with personality disorders; the first one means of being a schizoid, the second one pertains to self-conceit, and third one goes to being an avoidant. I got it from an anime and I found this very interesting so when I thought of shifting to La Salle main, I'm thinking of picking Philosophy. Isn't it passionate? Maybe you can't relate fully since it's one of our dark principles - cynicism, just to validate our own existence to gain respect - and since more people don't really care because they're too bothered with their own modern "philosophies". This is getting weird.
For the nonsense things, I'm not obsessed with our cat anymore. I'm still in love with anime. I'm getting bored going to Neopets and Council of Elrond. I just have to wipe them out of my mind for a little or I'll get depressed (not again) again since I left a lot of friends there. I was even thinking of writing my second novel wherein my first was still left unfinished on the 4th chapter. My mind, it has so many ideas. So confusing - even I am confused of me.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Saturday, May 13, 2006
I was surfing the net finding for good source of quasi-translated-mangas of His & Her Circumstances (Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo) and D.N.Angel. I found the volume 1-7 summaries for D.N.Angel. that just cut me out because I'm a bit desperate to know more of the next 4 volumes - I can't find their summaries. And I had also found out that Yukino and Arima (of His & Her Circumstances) were married early, very early - imagine, after their highschool because she was pregnant. God, that depressed me a lot. But anyway, when you tend to read and reflect with their moving personalities every each of it's manga volumes, they seem to have a very good understanding (Pure understanding, maybe it's love with bliss. I can't explain it deeper, anyway, unless you try to read it) with each other that made their relationship very solid - I mean it, very solid - and that security between them made me feel fine with Yukino being pregnant though having pre-marital sex is still wrong in my views. Arima wasn't depressed but was happy about it (because of their full circle relationship that I really can't explain) because after their marriage, they studied college and had good professions (Arima being a high police officer and Yukino being a doctor) and even had a pair of male fraternal twins - cute - after the first child daughter. The other important characters also had some good endings (happy endings - I just love it even if it's so gay). They're tempting me to learn more about Japanese language though I could rely on Tokyopop's translated mangas because both of them were a hit that Tokyopop tend to translate it more than any other mangas. I even made some plans to study it in La Salle (AB-International Studies Major in Japanese Studies) after my first course in Benilde (I still have shifting plans, by the way). I saw that D.N.Angel. and His & Her Circumstances are two of their most famous shojo translated mangas. I found them in local television channels, which I am grateful of.
I don't know but I'm a little depressed so I just tried to write this out so that I could end this weird feeling - it bothers me. I don't know if it's depression or being annoyed or just lonely (God, I really don't know). I just noticed when you seem to overdo anything about your interest, you'll tend to leave them after (they won't live longer in you) or depress you since you're too moved by the story that one thing you don't to like happen happened - so I'll take a break for a while. I once erased anime as an interest ever since I tend to like movies more that I forgot about it but it seems I'm repeating my history so I should take care of it more careful than before because I don't want to let it go anymore again. The two shows I told are the only animes that I've ever loved and appreciated. I think I feel better now - I still have to stop for a very short while, you know.
Labels: To the Works of Others
Erika Ruiz
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
You write about Irony, I write about Passion. We are selfish in our own ways, we want some miracles because we want permanent happiness but the truth is nothing is certain and we are always bound to be hurt. I learned then that all of the people's feelings are connected, we are destined to dettatch from the other to feel more of the bliss and burdens of life and it's called experience.
Don't look at if and what could've been, focus on what can be. Personality is the difference but we are to discover the same experiences - that is to feel. You can never take life too seriously or you won't last long. Don't overdo things and don't leave it all unfinished - proper compassion to satisfaction. I would always want to discover other people's beliefs so that I could stick to the one I am making.
I want to cry because I know I'll miss it.
Labels: Facing Inner Views
Erika Ruiz
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I remembered my dream - it's vacation but it was about exams. At that certain scene, I woke up worried because I knew I didn't review for this day's scheduled exams and I would be totally late for school at 1:30 P.M. (oh, related to the time of my enrollment yesterday) - by the way, I was still in my highschool and the schedule will start with an exam in mathematics. I had a shower and wore my school uniform. I quickly packed the necessary things up from a pile of craps so that I could review about the subjects in school later without thinking that I'm already late and might not have the chance to glance at my notes. I'm punctual that's why I'm worried to death whenever I feel that I'm already out of the certain time. Odd that my mom and sister in that dream never cared of my worries. I ran as fast as I can to go out of the house but I realized I had no money to commute. I went to my mom who was sitting in our living room with my sister ready to leave (mom to her office and my sister to her school but not really in a hurry) and gave me the money that I need so I finally went out of the house. Odder, my mom shouted and said she wanted to give me more money but I thought that the money's enough for me so I didn't go back - but I was shocked when she was the one who went out and gave more money to me. Then I proceeded with my running. It ends. The oddest thing is that I know I should be in school at 1:30 P.M., which is we know a hot time with the shining sun. No, it was not bright; it was nocturnal, dark as if I wouldn't be able to see anything far from me.
I finally woke up for real. I opened my eyes and suddenly noticed that I could feel a part of my body is heavily aching - it was my right hand. I finally realized I was laying on it - it was the hand where my mother had put the money on. I tried to lift it but it was numb, very numb. It's like I wanted to cry because of pain but instead of being hopeless I shook it with my left hand so that the blood could circulate again through my palm to my fingers. I could write now but my wrist is still aching as if some blood had clotted but it was impossible, in my own knowledge. I'm just wondering if there's any symbol to ponder. Would it be like a very dangerous journey that I'm still not ready to face since I'm still depending? A not-the-right-time journey? An unexpected journey in reality? I will never know until it attacks me.
Labels: Facing Inner Views
Erika Ruiz
Monday, May 01, 2006
I was accepted in De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde. I'll go there on May 3rd and be enrolled. After that, maybe we'll be having orientations then physical exams. I'm a bit nervous of going to college but as the same time as thrilled because this is a new experience. School starts at May 22nd for me.
This has been a very boring summer - I'm completely broke. I'm like doing my own daily schedule day by day, not doing anything to thrill me out. But this is good for relaxation and treatment.
Well, I haven't heard any news at all about what's happening outside. But I think, thank God it's quiet. Have a quiet Labor Day. I'm bored.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
