You know why I now often write in a melancholy tone? It's because I think I'm losing my passion in writing. I'm even having a writer's block to my fanfictions. I have no idea what happened but it seems that in every approach I make I'm just making it emptier. I hate this change. I'd rather be the biggest loner than lose this skill. When I write, I could sense the feeling that it's not worth reading and even think it's a crap. Now I'm not perfectly balanced, it's odd I hate to write in an ironic tone. I mean, I like to but not all the time because my passionate side is more important than taking things in reversed ways just to get over with a monotonous life. I couldn't even entwine the pen with my hands when thinking of writing a poetry. In poetry, I demand passion and I'm losing it. I don't want to fiure out another reason in a philosophical way. It's going to go away eternally.
I suddenly realized that I'm making everything around me to have a philosophical reason. Sometimes I could get answers by myself that I still don't want to know because I want it to be a surprise given by the graces. Subjectivity is competitive. And when I had seen it, I seriously absorbed it and learned from it. It's bad to have a lot of ideas. I still want to have an extreme life with surprises. I know it makes me feel depressed but I do know I'm going to use it someday when the time comes that I'm opening myself to learn more about the love of wisdom. Maybe I hate this change but I'm not regretting the things because I know I could see reality clearer.
I couldn't even write a long and coherent composition in here. It's depressing.
It's been a while. I missed blogging but I'm busy, big time! To add that I lack something and it's making me feel empty enough. I could even feel the tension of not passing to any of my subjects in midterms, the tension of worrying with nothing to worry about and the tension of depression. Fine, I'm making me more complicated.
Weightless Overbearing
The pensive nothingness decenters the path of a dream with rigor, mirth and irony. Highly possible as the feeling of pondering while breathing soothes the burden of the being; like seeing the entire spectrum of light and darkness, fishing on a sunken castle lake of a setting, free with delirium and wine.
Play the music below if you want.
a portrait hole
Erika Ruiz
19 [8.27.90]
manila, philippines
college student
dreams inspire me
surrealist dissection
capo di tutti capi
By the way, this is just for the expression of and for the self; so as to escape, be fit for a refuge. Non-fiction and surrealism might often insert itself. This is a storage of the raw.
