Saturday, September 30, 2006
I'm a bit worried of me because for this past fruitful days of typhoon, I always get a chance to sleep on noon. This certain afternoon I dreamt of a little morbid scenery. It was showing me with an unknown someone in a car beside other two cars, both with two male children (at the back sit, it's like nobody's driving their cars). It was strange that we were taking the same direction and when we were to stop at a certain good house, a big debris of a hellicopter crashed on the other car and all of the cars stopped. The two boys in the other car that's safe went straight forward to that good home, maybe it was their house, knocking panickly. It was a wonder and a miracle that both the boys in the damaged car only got a very little injury on their heads. It was time for me to take action. I unhesitantly took one of the boys and carried him straight to a bus, I don't know what's going on, but the bus seems a big help to me and my senses carried us to that. I got back to get the other one and carried him. The bus went on moving eastward and not even concern of the other boy. I didn't know what to do until another bus went and I put him in there, now moving forward. The scenery ended with a blur and I was non-existent. It got into me when I noticed something I could call symbolic: The boys, whom I think were siblings, parted by accident. I didn't know whose that someone who didn't even help me. The item bus that was the safest haven in that dream. The cars and the good house. And the other two boys who were safe. There were no flames. There were miracles.
I'm currently reading "Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul" along with "Being and Nothingness." Don't you think it's such a contrast? I'm a bit busy so it might cause delay again.
Lastly, my grandmother died of old age. It didn't felt right. It made me feel so low again that I thought the book of time got tired because I was just waiting and I wasn't able to move a bit and make a better diversity. I still feel worse to see it was a sacrifice for realization I still don't want to take into action. Goodbye and see you.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The task was simple
it was to outlast
with a bitter purity
we gather;
I'm trying. You're hoping.
for the summer for the unfathomable
valleys to sink mimicry of life
with sweet berries you can never
to ease my soul breathe, enunciate
I'm reaching. You're praying.
for the silver for the feeble burden
moonlight of the you aroused, hollow
partiality of the earned a horrid faith
withering life as you win the article
for the summer for the unfathomable
valleys to sink mimicry of life
with sweet berries you can never
to ease my soul breathe, enunciate
I'm reaching. You're praying.
for the silver for the feeble burden
moonlight of the you aroused, hollow
partiality of the earned a horrid faith
withering life as you win the article
I'm straying. You're losing.
in the heavens the premonition of
of kaleidoscopic broken fantasies,
aura in a mortal echoed the voices
misty paradise of selfish hatred
I'm fighting. You're risking.
for the key I for the closing of
once heaved with the path, erasing
the hidden whispers the absurd impossible,
the hidden whispers the absurd impossible,
of dread, lapse morals taking not yours
I'm dying. You're sinking.
I'm dying. You're sinking.
with abominable to the promising,
raindrops, ripping lowest view where
the crescent of bliss infinity proclaims to be
bliss more apart, I am hit the eternal punishment
It's ended. The time starts now.
Nothing happened You ate pity
I'm still waiting. You're still puny.
you and me
we suffer
raindrops, ripping lowest view where
the crescent of bliss infinity proclaims to be
bliss more apart, I am hit the eternal punishment
It's ended. The time starts now.
Nothing happened You ate pity
I'm still waiting. You're still puny.
you and me
we suffer
the comedy goes on.
No wonder the
delay brought us
rotting as
you strive for your
insatiable vein,
I'm still staying.
Labels: The Self to the Art
Erika Ruiz
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I try to hide the things I abhor while I write. You could see that with my drama modes. I don't know if someone would come and say I know what you're talking about; that'll thrill me much. That makes it incoherent and unclear. What an expressive writing style.
Last Saturday I went to Lumban, Laguna to join the International Coastal Clean-Up (ICC) as a Social Action Office (SAO) Organization Volunteer. It was fun, but it'll be more enjoyable if I chose to boat. No regrets with walking though. We were with a block so that makes SAO members few. Good thing we didn't find any mysterious things while cleaning the streets, unlike others.
I'm happy that I'm not really busy though the resolution of being fully-motivated to studies is starting to fade away. I don't even have serious assignments and most of the time we do seatworks, watch controversial films and/or documentaries, and activities instead of homework. I still love my NatSci13 Professor, I mean, he's my favorite Professor. My sister is so serious with her studies since she's already majoring and I even wonder what would be my initial reaction if I'm majoring already. I shudder to see I'm not talking to anyone because I need to read a pile of handouts and thousands of policy books. By the way, if you could remember, my course is about politics and it's the one thing I hate. Funny thing I consider the course interesting with it's wonderful course-name and that is the reason why I consider this as my first choice and as my current course. I'm afraid of the upcoming projects.
I still don't know if I would change my URL. But I have no plans of changing my blogskin. I still like it. It's good, but I suppose my informations are still not enough. I'm starting to like orange (Yay! The color shade of my blog!). I'm bloated...
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Monday, September 25, 2006
I feel so slow, so low and down remembering those painful catastrophic things that I know I wasn't the one to touch first. I don't want to condemn the fresh remainders of those who breathe freedom and pride, pretending nothing's wrong in a very different manner. I don't know if such feel the same. I think I'm beginning to be coward. I already told you no matter what will the outcome be, it will altogether result to suffering. I don't want to lose my principles at the same time losing my marbles. Maybe this is an abominable depression, depression to emptiness. I started to feel that I don't like this aymore. I don't like my life.
It's good that even if I only see darkness, I could still peep into patches and holes with light inside along the way that I know I'm not capable of getting there. I call them ephemeral happiness. Some things that made me laugh and medicate yet still can't bear to defeat the agony I feel under. I'm all for believing it will still develop and be still, yet when I see something related to the unworthy shells, I turn to dive with the soul of whisperers telling me formidable truths. It hurts so much when I started to sense this sudden joys won't help me evolve with a better persona and won't even try to save me from falling under the unknown black cliff.
I appeal frightened in everything now.
Pass the Coffee
I won't tell you
I am ceaseless of being
liable of passing the
coffee
It seemed a distant
to reach the lanterns
Without faith in words
I lost the vital
perception of euphemism
The patches of ebony
I started to feel
The down slide was gruesome
it felt heat and flying
to the world, little room
I am punished by heart
I was found
by the grim of blindness
I wasn't told the coffee has two ways
The tires were uneasy
to change in directions
I was wrong to listen
for the please was lost
I was unscathed
by the skeptical emptiness
I saw a thirsty rock
I forgot about the
coffee that I passed
somewhere I keep
on remembering, but
unable to trust to recall
I should have given
the coffee with a
different hue
it might meant
it's stronger
than me
Is there such feeling greater that hatred? It caused this wreck. I don't want to lose hope and ask what kind of life did the heavens gave me... yet.
Labels: Facing Inner Views
Erika Ruiz
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Classes were back and I still feel a bit laidback. I promised to myself that I'm gonna boost myself up with the studying commitments. At least, my new professors (except in the case of my NatSci13 that my former NatSci11 Professor will still be my professor this term!) just came to get our attendance and said they would start to settle things on Monday. So we just had fun and has some icebreaker games. You may think it's not odd, but I find it strange to have so many irregular classmates this term! Anyway, it's cool to know more people other than your blockmates.
I'm gonna be a godmother this coming Sunday. The truth is, I don't want to go outside of the world in Sundays, I feel so in fatigue. I want to have a rest. I still have a lot of things to sort out. So many things that I can only say so much about it.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I love to blog. It's a good, worthwhile thing to do if you're bored and have nothing to do. Not only you could maintain your skills in writing, you could also see your own development and changes you've been doing with the way you write. I remember laughing at my so-previous posts. It was really ironic, I know I lack the emotion to write. Now, I feel I could balance it although I know there are some probable problems because of my writer's block-ness.
I blog, not only to update my faraway friends, but also to update the absent-minded me. Sometimes I don't even know how did I write a certain thing being clueless about it in the first place. It's a good things to show the motivation in me. Writing is my passion and it's also a good way to update myself in the process.
It's a perfect thing to do to express... not to impress. There might be mispelled words and grammatical errors (if ever there are with my obssessive-compulsive, skeptical eyes), at least it soothes your feeling if ever you feel low. It is the source of solace; just write it all out instead of throwing things in the vicinity. I, indeed, really feel happy to express some of the things I feel. If I hide it, it might just blow into a catastrophe. I even discover unknown things in me when I do free-writing. It is good, not only for the people to see the real me if ever they have the perception of something cynical about me, but also for myself, to see my passion and love for irony. It shows my creativity to express, having different tones of writing and in designing the blog itself.
The picture reflects a lot about me, perfect for me and shows more of the hidden me. I blog because I want to express my current feelings (even the feelings that I don't know about me), not only with the way I write, but also with the way I design the blog. I got the picture from the blogskins site. I don't even know why, it's just the right one. Thinking of changing the blog layout is very far from my plans of revising the blog because all it possesses is rubbish. As I've said in the sidebar, it shows my interests. It shows my love for photography, my designing techniques, my sense of art... and shows the vogue (er, do I really have to use the word?) in me. Sometimes my friends tease me if I'm a bachelor of arts major in fashion designing student. I don't know if that's a compliment of having a good and different style or just plain teasing because of them seeing a different-department-student in not-the-usual-jeans-and-shirt attire. But I know I wear it properly and it matches because if not, I'll never be teased to be another-department-student that is supposed to have a sense of style and that is my way of lifting myself up from disappointment. Hey, my story continues. The layout is perfectly edited by me. It was a hard work since I'm not really genius when it comes to HTML codes, but I like what it resulted. The blog had been into serious operations/revisions. At least, I could also release my HTML knowledge and probably, to increase my intelligence about it. Someday I would be able to do my own skin, in my dreams.
I blog to show my constant loving in poetry and literature, of writing itself. You could see I always try to put poems in every post so that I could preserve the 'frustrated poet' in me. I could show the flowery words of a poet, sometimes exaggerated.
Blogging shows a lot of advantages to a writer. I'm not sure if you could call me a writer as I sometimes just rant about the things I don't want to happen to me. But that's the point of blog, to show and write your life out. I blog to discover life. To show and write for the sake of contentment.
Labels: Formal Exposition
Erika Ruiz
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Wow, it was the first time I have read an article from the Young Blood column of the Inquirer. And you know what? I was inspired and even thought of joining! Ha! As if I'm a good writer. I don't even major in literature, it's my sister. I major in consular and diplomatic affairs and in my flowchart, you would see nothing but government and foreign policy. I even find it a bit boring (I hate government) and the only thing that's fun there is learning a foreign language. But when the sudden time comes, I'm sure I'm going to like my course - as a debator and as an idealist. But I won't throw away the idea of writing soon (or maybe the soon marks next decade because I feel that I can't write a concise article yet) because I had a concept of writing about government in which a cosular and diplomatic affairs student reacts on it, if still continue the dream of going abroad representing the Philippines as a delegate and help the country or a runaway to abroad being an international lawyer or a delegate representing no one just to get away from the depressing sceneries of a third-world-country. This will be tough, having to use your artistic and academic side to compliment with the factual article.
Well, finally, I was able to finish my friend Joan's blog before it gets too late and we become busy again. Isn't it good? Check out her blog here. Well, I am just a little brain-drained now because I know this is my weak powertime when it comes to writing affectionately yet I am still, stubbornly, writing mainly because I have nothing to do but to blog.
for the frightful flight of the monster
to the hell it calls heaven then
such a beautiful disaster
to apprehend.
I said I was going to change my blog URL to ernieandcella.blogspot.com. But the truth is, I'm not decided yet. You don't even know why I chose and fancy that URL.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
Sunday, September 03, 2006
As normal as a student can be, you can still get a 4 (highest) in Physical Education Physical Fitness (PEONEPF). To tell you the truth, I didn't learn a thing from the subject. Fine, truthfully, I learned how to exercise.
I got the rest of the course cards today and I got a good GPA! A very good one that made me get into the Dean's Lister. I can't believe I'm getting paranoid just about my GPA. I get foolish, yet our counselor said during my counseling (it was needed to pass my ORDEV-A class) that I was a bit laidback and overconfident about school and I still need more motivation and industriousness to my studies. To be true, I got shocked to learn that I still have to hear it from someone before I notice it. The counselor's right, I'm a bit uncommited when it comes to school, but I am sure when it comes to writing composition and journals, I put an extra devotion to eliminate my writer's block-mindedness. It's fun to see that I still get fine grades when it comes to any write-ups even though I despise to share my experiences, especially for Bible Studies journals, due to complicated hardships of expression that is why I can't keep moving. I'm happy I did get good grades that I thought I didn't deserve.
I don't know why I sometimes feel I'm so stubborn. Even me could feel exasperation when I become too adamant. It makes me stick to my principles and makes me feel strong, yet sometimes it is the source of my vulnerability and un-locomotion. Why do I have to drink all the mixtures in the goblet?
Oh my, I'm excited about the 2nd term! I'm not shifting. Subjects are almost related to the past, the only difference is aesthetics. God, about manners and the physical aspect of beauty, as if we don't know how to deal with it yet!
I still can't continue writing my fanfiction. I even have ideas of editing it. I also have new ideas not put into motion. I require myself to feel sensitive to each of the characters I'm gonna be using before I turn to write. I feel trivial towards it.
Anyway, I made another poetry. We sometimes dream too much. No, it's not forbidden to dream, yet we don't have the strength to handle the challenges before success appears, and stray on just fantacizing about it. It's about the beauty of dreams and our fantasies that never came true:
Existence
Like a diamond weeping inside...
I wake up seeing with such
a conceiving felicity
to my phantom and affection
molds me unreal, but serene.
Poor arrows attacked soldiers to death...
Such and enchantment beneath
it allowed me unforeseen touch
of oblivion to colors of my
unmoving catastrophe, with irony.
Eleven times I shot the twinkle...
Somehow I feel convinced
to see my blindness in certainty
yet denounced to know you
don't know my existence,
the colony resigned in delusion
sensing it is but a fantasy
forever a dream I know not
to enter my sensibility,
given this being,
given this favor,
you see me transluscent eternally,
in your reality.
Labels: Everyday Blabs
Erika Ruiz
