Losing Treasures

You know why I now often write in a melancholy tone? It's because I think I'm losing my passion in writing. I'm even having a writer's block to my fanfictions. I have no idea what happened but it seems that in every approach I make I'm just making it emptier. I hate this change. I'd rather be the biggest loner than lose this skill. When I write, I could sense the feeling that it's not worth reading and even think it's a crap. Now I'm not perfectly balanced, it's odd I hate to write in an ironic tone. I mean, I like to but not all the time because my passionate side is more important than taking things in reversed ways just to get over with a monotonous life. I couldn't even entwine the pen with my hands when thinking of writing a poetry. In poetry, I demand passion and I'm losing it. I don't want to fiure out another reason in a philosophical way. It's going to go away eternally.

I suddenly realized that I'm making everything around me to have a philosophical reason. Sometimes I could get answers by myself that I still don't want to know because I want it to be a surprise given by the graces. Subjectivity is competitive. And when I had seen it, I seriously absorbed it and learned from it. It's bad to have a lot of ideas. I still want to have an extreme life with surprises. I know it makes me feel depressed but I do know I'm going to use it someday when the time comes that I'm opening myself to learn more about the love of wisdom. Maybe I hate this change but I'm not regretting the things because I know I could see reality clearer.

I couldn't even write a long and coherent composition in here. It's depressing.