Seeking Holes in My Core

Everytime I write, I seek holes. I ontradict and reason out everything possible. Is it a coward move? Will it only make me weaker if I close that hole?

One thing I just realized about my writing is that I focus on one goal with one idealism. I can't think of other principles that will provide better hold to the things I call right. When it comes to sharing different ideas, I discovered I lack the life of elaborating things when I'm with other people. Are they closed or is it me who's closed enough not to accept possibilities? It doesn't help me that I only grow smaller, but it also renders selfishness. One thing's for sure now, I hope that I can maintain a good balance, I'm better alone.

People are observed to be unique without the outward self-interest. This contradicts the fact of cliches. I wonder why some people feel superior when they explain that some things about their self-interest that is not the cliche. Nothing is wrong with liking cliches. Some people who are called followers are the best at being influenced by this. Nothing is also wrong with liking the not-common ones, but we should have the perfect reason and compassion into liking it. It's not that I hate it, I just know deep down they like a thing because it's different. I feel disappointed that, still, people are using things to make them superior and justifies that subjectivity is competitive.

I just learned, about the Mandala activity in sociology that we had, that I have an External thinking. I don't know. I guess I'm just basing everything on facts unconsciously brushing it to the wisdom that I've always wanted to achieve. I try so hard to have that Internal thinking without knowing I'm collecting external ideas just to achieve it. Maybe this is the reason why I only focus on one idea. I have to admit and accept this so that sometime, soon enough, I would achieve proper wisdom that I'm searching for so long to understand humanity.

Sorry for not updating. I've been too busy with school, but I've learned some new techniques in photoshop. Plus, I'm still addicted to Bleach. Anyway, I've got lots of ideas that are overflowing in my mind that I'm forgetting some of them. It makes me feel sad since I can't write here all the time and I still couldn't think of a way to elaborate it. I hope I'll see the shore and be enlightened. I still have a lot of seeking to do.