Tension of not Having any Tensions

I went with my sister to Benilde last Monday to have my physical check-up, had my picture taken for my ID and then shopped a little. At least, nothing horrible happened. I still have to go there tomorrow for the orientation and know the campus and won't feel stupid on the first day of classes not knowing where would I first go. I also have to claim my ID after that - the EAF is not accessible to get swiped in Benilde. I have to learn how to commute alone.

I'm a little afraid that I may not be able to write another poetry. It started when the moderator of our school paper in highschool requested me to do a poem about the school for our year book as their literary editor but I made an excuse that I can't because I'm busy but the truth is I really can't think of any word to start my poem - nothing passionate is coming out of my mind or maybe I had good deals with writing good poetry whenever I feel like writing and I do hate to write if I'm dictated or to write about a certain topic. God, I think I'm making my own excuse. I'll try to write poetry and post it here some other time. I still don't feel passionate, I feel philosophical.

By the way, I'm a bit interested with the common relations we feel with their deep explanations, more specific in the despairs we are associated with: despair of not aware of having a self, despair of not willing to be oneself, and despair of willing to be oneself. These could also be associated with personality disorders; the first one means of being a schizoid, the second one pertains to self-conceit, and third one goes to being an avoidant. I got it from an anime and I found this very interesting so when I thought of shifting to La Salle main, I'm thinking of picking Philosophy. Isn't it passionate? Maybe you can't relate fully since it's one of our dark principles - cynicism, just to validate our own existence to gain respect - and since more people don't really care because they're too bothered with their own modern "philosophies". This is getting weird.

For the nonsense things, I'm not obsessed with our cat anymore. I'm still in love with anime. I'm getting bored going to Neopets and Council of Elrond. I just have to wipe them out of my mind for a little or I'll get depressed (not again) again since I left a lot of friends there. I was even thinking of writing my second novel wherein my first was still left unfinished on the 4th chapter. My mind, it has so many ideas. So confusing - even I am confused of me.