Sienta la Alegría

Over this long and dreadful times I've been experiencing lack of happiness and I just couldn't feel the joy. Pretty gifts of wisdom have been granted to me and so far, those wisdoms are the only blessing I could consider that survived from my hollow of emptiness.

I'm starting to grant myself to the soul of nothingness. Nothing relevant in my life is worth to be cherished. It is either literally nothing is happening and I am idle or it is because I forgot everything on how to be a cherisher.



I noticed I also lack the expression of sincerity. Although I could guarantee your trust in me, I just couldn't express my whole-hearted affirmation or any decision into anything or anyone easily in a true way. My heart is at its stone state whenever I talk of my concerns. I'm afraid it's one of the few feelings I lost when I was at my lowest peak. I still don't know how many, but I believe I've been mentally idle because of my sight.

I wonder if it is still right to protect yourself even if you promise not to protect yourself if the reason of the mess is yourself. I've been starting to think a lot and the cycle of metacognition in my mind is still not complete and I get tangled right in the first levels of thinking. Would you be rejoicing if you know how to protect yourself even if it is all your fault that all the things have been rendered into negative complications of the human principle? Would you dare to vow to protect other people even if you aren't capable of and/or don't even have your whole heart to do so? I know we are to protect those who have touched our souls on our own will and the only question is if if we are able to touch our own soul not to question in everything we do.

I wish I could erase somethings yet knowing it wouldn't improve me and I'll still be bound to complete a music of agony. I'm such a crap.